Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Pearls Missed from Over the Weekend
On Friday I was called to a meeting that I didn’t expect, taking up the time I had set aside to write this column. This meeting was from one of my employers. Since I have yet to collect any earnings writing these pieces, I placed a higher priority in this meeting than in writing this column.
Here are some musings on some of the subjects that I missed-
Item One: News flash- Mayor Michael Bloomberg announced that pharmaceutical companies don’t make all that much money. I suppose that earnings are a matter of perspective. For instance, when I was eight years old and had an allowance of a dollar a week and a kid down the street’s allowance was five bucks, to me that kid was rich. After all, he could get ONE HUNDRED PACKS of baseball cards with fossilized bubble gum EVERY WEEK to my twenty. I knew it would be a ridiculous expense to buy twenty packs of baseball cards. I would have nothing left for trips to Dairy Queen. I would have to look for soda bottles at the side of the road and hope they were intact. After all, you wouldn’t get the two cents if the bottle was broken.
Mayor Bloomberg is worth well over nine billion dollars. That’s $9,000,000,000.00. To a guy who’s worth nine billion, the earnings of the president of a pharmaceutical company must look like the change the mayor loses in the couch cushions. It took a short time for the mayor to retract this statement, probably after a brief conversation about relative earnings with his valet.
Item Two: The Lockerbie bomber was released. I have nothing funny to say about this, but I’m moved to make a statement. I like Scotland. I like Scottish people. I have spent time in Scotland and have always wanted to attend or even perform in the Edinburgh Festival. That said, the U.S. government and its citizens need to see Kenny MacAskill publicly fired. Mr. MacAskill has stated that the release of Mohmed Al Megrahi was his doing and his alone. Yo, Kenny! How about the ticker tape parade he got in Tripoli when he got off the plane? Was that your idea as well? Mr. MacAskill referred to this hero’s welcome as ‘unfortunate.’ Really, Kenny? The hero’s welcome was the unfortunate part of this? How about the complete abortion of justice? This bastard has the blood of 270 innocent people on his hands, 189 of them Americans. All these people did was get on a plane. I think that my love of Scotland notwithstanding, I am moved to propose a tariff of 189% on each Scottish made item on American shelves in American stores, effective immediately, for a period of at least 189 months after the death of Al Megrahi. If the people of Scotland were to get upset about the huge loss in income they would suffer for this, they should bill Mr. MacAskill, his children and grandchildren the sum of their losses. I’m sure that there are other American citizens that would consider my proposal as insignificant babblings of a bleeding heart liberal, that Kenny MacAskill should be publicly killed, and that the tariff should last for 189 years.
Item Three: The people who are carrying assault rifles to the public appearances of President Obama need some kind of therapy. Possibly anger management. Possibly sensitivity training. Possibly five years of solitary confinement followed by five years of hard labor. They seem to think of themselves as patriots. Sure. Patriot is often the title given to someone who brings a loaded weapon to a town hall meeting in an attempt to intimidate a legally and popularly elected official. These patriots should be awarded something, like maybe a nice vacation in the Caribbean. I hear there’s room at Guantanimo.
Here are some musings on some of the subjects that I missed-
Item One: News flash- Mayor Michael Bloomberg announced that pharmaceutical companies don’t make all that much money. I suppose that earnings are a matter of perspective. For instance, when I was eight years old and had an allowance of a dollar a week and a kid down the street’s allowance was five bucks, to me that kid was rich. After all, he could get ONE HUNDRED PACKS of baseball cards with fossilized bubble gum EVERY WEEK to my twenty. I knew it would be a ridiculous expense to buy twenty packs of baseball cards. I would have nothing left for trips to Dairy Queen. I would have to look for soda bottles at the side of the road and hope they were intact. After all, you wouldn’t get the two cents if the bottle was broken.
Mayor Bloomberg is worth well over nine billion dollars. That’s $9,000,000,000.00. To a guy who’s worth nine billion, the earnings of the president of a pharmaceutical company must look like the change the mayor loses in the couch cushions. It took a short time for the mayor to retract this statement, probably after a brief conversation about relative earnings with his valet.
Item Two: The Lockerbie bomber was released. I have nothing funny to say about this, but I’m moved to make a statement. I like Scotland. I like Scottish people. I have spent time in Scotland and have always wanted to attend or even perform in the Edinburgh Festival. That said, the U.S. government and its citizens need to see Kenny MacAskill publicly fired. Mr. MacAskill has stated that the release of Mohmed Al Megrahi was his doing and his alone. Yo, Kenny! How about the ticker tape parade he got in Tripoli when he got off the plane? Was that your idea as well? Mr. MacAskill referred to this hero’s welcome as ‘unfortunate.’ Really, Kenny? The hero’s welcome was the unfortunate part of this? How about the complete abortion of justice? This bastard has the blood of 270 innocent people on his hands, 189 of them Americans. All these people did was get on a plane. I think that my love of Scotland notwithstanding, I am moved to propose a tariff of 189% on each Scottish made item on American shelves in American stores, effective immediately, for a period of at least 189 months after the death of Al Megrahi. If the people of Scotland were to get upset about the huge loss in income they would suffer for this, they should bill Mr. MacAskill, his children and grandchildren the sum of their losses. I’m sure that there are other American citizens that would consider my proposal as insignificant babblings of a bleeding heart liberal, that Kenny MacAskill should be publicly killed, and that the tariff should last for 189 years.
Item Three: The people who are carrying assault rifles to the public appearances of President Obama need some kind of therapy. Possibly anger management. Possibly sensitivity training. Possibly five years of solitary confinement followed by five years of hard labor. They seem to think of themselves as patriots. Sure. Patriot is often the title given to someone who brings a loaded weapon to a town hall meeting in an attempt to intimidate a legally and popularly elected official. These patriots should be awarded something, like maybe a nice vacation in the Caribbean. I hear there’s room at Guantanimo.
