Thursday, August 27, 2009
Small Items in the Corners
Today’s New York Daily News was dominated with coverage on the life of the late Senator Edward Kennedy, but there were other stories. The gems are often small items that make up one or two column inches and are referred to in the newspaper business as “fillers” They are usually found at the bottom of a page or in corners under a story that didn’t take up enough space to fill a column or a page.
I love filler stories. One of my favorites years ago was about a farming community in Czechoslovakia. There was a melon field that was being pilfered consistently. The farmers decided to inject several remaining melons with a powerful laxative to discover who the thief was. It turned out that the guilty party was a herd of elk that, after ingesting some of the treated melons, walked through town during the night and deposited the effects of the trap. The best laid plans…
Some of the stories were longer than fillers, but I have decided to summarize them as though they were.
Mark Sanford stated that he will not step down from the governorship of South Carolina. Instead he will move his office, making it more convenient to hike the Appalachian Trail while in an apartment in Buenos Aires.
The Democratic Mayoral Debate for the New York City primary took place. To summarize: Tony Avella and William Thompson both announced that they don’t like Mayor Bloomberg, and that there should still be term limits. How did they differentiate themselves from each other? Tony Avella said he didn’t like Bloomberg more than Thompson didn’t like Bloomberg. The funniest part of the story is that the Daily News made a logo for this- two boxing gloves over boldface caps: BRAWL for the HALL. It’s more like the pillow fight for the La-Z-Boy…
Hit and run driver Mark St. Pierre intentionally rammed several cars, injuring thirteen and killing one. Police say St. Pierre was in a rage after having a fight with his girlfriend while having dinner at a Chuck E. Cheese’s restaurant. WAIT A MINUTE! A DATE at a CHUCK E. CHEESE’S restaurant??? I’m figuring she probably called him an asshole and a cheap, tasteless bastard for taking her to Chuck E. Cheese’s, setting off the rampage.
A taxi driver who struck and killed a pedestrian in a crosswalk had five moving violations in less than two years, mostly for running stop signs and red lights. The Taxi and Limousine Commission stated that they had no idea the driver had this driving record, that they would have pulled his license if they knew, and blamed the Department of Motor Vehicles for not informing the TLC. Yo! DMV and TLC! There are these things that are found in offices of government agencies called COMPUTERS, and they can TALK TO EACH OTHER over this new-fangled thing called the INTERNET… Can it be possible that nobody ever thought that the TLC might need the driving records of the 100,000 drivers who hold chauffeur's licenses? Any New York City pedestrian can tell you that the driving records of the city’s cab, car service and limo drivers do not appear to be a high priority.
There were other stories that will be covered in the near future, but it's late.
I love filler stories. One of my favorites years ago was about a farming community in Czechoslovakia. There was a melon field that was being pilfered consistently. The farmers decided to inject several remaining melons with a powerful laxative to discover who the thief was. It turned out that the guilty party was a herd of elk that, after ingesting some of the treated melons, walked through town during the night and deposited the effects of the trap. The best laid plans…
Some of the stories were longer than fillers, but I have decided to summarize them as though they were.
Mark Sanford stated that he will not step down from the governorship of South Carolina. Instead he will move his office, making it more convenient to hike the Appalachian Trail while in an apartment in Buenos Aires.
The Democratic Mayoral Debate for the New York City primary took place. To summarize: Tony Avella and William Thompson both announced that they don’t like Mayor Bloomberg, and that there should still be term limits. How did they differentiate themselves from each other? Tony Avella said he didn’t like Bloomberg more than Thompson didn’t like Bloomberg. The funniest part of the story is that the Daily News made a logo for this- two boxing gloves over boldface caps: BRAWL for the HALL. It’s more like the pillow fight for the La-Z-Boy…
Hit and run driver Mark St. Pierre intentionally rammed several cars, injuring thirteen and killing one. Police say St. Pierre was in a rage after having a fight with his girlfriend while having dinner at a Chuck E. Cheese’s restaurant. WAIT A MINUTE! A DATE at a CHUCK E. CHEESE’S restaurant??? I’m figuring she probably called him an asshole and a cheap, tasteless bastard for taking her to Chuck E. Cheese’s, setting off the rampage.
A taxi driver who struck and killed a pedestrian in a crosswalk had five moving violations in less than two years, mostly for running stop signs and red lights. The Taxi and Limousine Commission stated that they had no idea the driver had this driving record, that they would have pulled his license if they knew, and blamed the Department of Motor Vehicles for not informing the TLC. Yo! DMV and TLC! There are these things that are found in offices of government agencies called COMPUTERS, and they can TALK TO EACH OTHER over this new-fangled thing called the INTERNET… Can it be possible that nobody ever thought that the TLC might need the driving records of the 100,000 drivers who hold chauffeur's licenses? Any New York City pedestrian can tell you that the driving records of the city’s cab, car service and limo drivers do not appear to be a high priority.
There were other stories that will be covered in the near future, but it's late.
