Tuesday, September 22, 2009
What Constitutes a Capaign Contribution
Many people I know, including myself, find that when a they take a vacation, they miss things. Even when they just take a day or two, the whole world seems to change.
Since last Thursday I worked at my two jobs roughly sixty hours, walked my large hound another ten or twelve hours, and even slept a little bit here and there. I was unable to write, and I only glanced at the paper. Among the things I missed was the beginning of a new debate around what can be constituted a campaign contribution.
People who know me and people who read my writings know that politically I tilt to the left. I can't pass up an opportunity to drop-kick a Republican who says or does something stupid. I salivate when a right-winger is found in the address book of a prostitute (of either sex) just after making a loud family values speech. When Rush Limbaugh was caught with multiple prescriptions of a controlled substance I practically creamed my jeans.
People who know me well know that politicos on the left who make boneheaded moves are subject to the same treatment from me. Left wing, right wing, a schmendrik is a schmendrik, as my grandparents would say to me. Of course, my grandparents would not define schmendrik, because now that we're in America we speak English (and they needed to speak Yiddish when they didn't want me to know what they were talking about).
This brings me to John Edwards, a man I considered voting for in 2004. It seems that the dashing and handsome one term senator had a girlfriend. I don't care about that part. Lots of politicians have girlfriends on the side. It's none of my business. The sticky side is that he was boning this woman while his wife was getting chemo treatments. The really sticky side of this is that he was apparently using campaign money to pay her rent.
This woman bore John Edwards' child. Again, this is none of my business. Mr. Edwards personal doings have no bearing on my life. But he did run for president, and he did put himself out there as a good family man with a wife of over twenty-five years (at the time of his presidential campaign in 2004, and over 30 years during his last presidential run).
Ok, so John Edwards is not a schmendrik (roughly a knucklehead). He's an outright slime. How do I know this? According to sources, he promised his girlfriend that after his cancer-stricken wife died, he would marry the girlfriend in a rooftop ceremony in New York City with a guest appearance by the Dave Matthews Band. I'm guessing Ben & Jerry's "Magic Brownies" would be the dessert.
Mr. Edwards is now under investigation for financial irregularities in his campaign fund. I think every politician should be investigated for this, whether or not anything untoward is suspected. I put forth this idea strictly for my own personal entertainment.
Mr. Edwards, it seems, has two very good friends with money. They were the ones paying the hush money to the future Mrs. Edwards; money that came in the form of rent and a BMW automobile. This money was paid to her with the understanding of a quid pro quo which meant keeping a low profile for the length of Mr. Edwards' campaign. Now comes the best part. There is a legal debate in progress. Does the hush money constitute a campaign contribution? I am not kidding here. This is the actual question being debated in a courtroom.
If hush money is accepted as a campaign contribution, maybe we should go to the next logical step. Like paying politicians to shut the hell up. But then they'd just talk more, flapping their lips to extort the public. I'd suggest putting them in an outfit favored by some S&M freaks, the leather hood with the rubber ball gag. But again, this is probably what some of them secretly desire.
Since last Thursday I worked at my two jobs roughly sixty hours, walked my large hound another ten or twelve hours, and even slept a little bit here and there. I was unable to write, and I only glanced at the paper. Among the things I missed was the beginning of a new debate around what can be constituted a campaign contribution.
People who know me and people who read my writings know that politically I tilt to the left. I can't pass up an opportunity to drop-kick a Republican who says or does something stupid. I salivate when a right-winger is found in the address book of a prostitute (of either sex) just after making a loud family values speech. When Rush Limbaugh was caught with multiple prescriptions of a controlled substance I practically creamed my jeans.
People who know me well know that politicos on the left who make boneheaded moves are subject to the same treatment from me. Left wing, right wing, a schmendrik is a schmendrik, as my grandparents would say to me. Of course, my grandparents would not define schmendrik, because now that we're in America we speak English (and they needed to speak Yiddish when they didn't want me to know what they were talking about).
This brings me to John Edwards, a man I considered voting for in 2004. It seems that the dashing and handsome one term senator had a girlfriend. I don't care about that part. Lots of politicians have girlfriends on the side. It's none of my business. The sticky side is that he was boning this woman while his wife was getting chemo treatments. The really sticky side of this is that he was apparently using campaign money to pay her rent.
This woman bore John Edwards' child. Again, this is none of my business. Mr. Edwards personal doings have no bearing on my life. But he did run for president, and he did put himself out there as a good family man with a wife of over twenty-five years (at the time of his presidential campaign in 2004, and over 30 years during his last presidential run).
Ok, so John Edwards is not a schmendrik (roughly a knucklehead). He's an outright slime. How do I know this? According to sources, he promised his girlfriend that after his cancer-stricken wife died, he would marry the girlfriend in a rooftop ceremony in New York City with a guest appearance by the Dave Matthews Band. I'm guessing Ben & Jerry's "Magic Brownies" would be the dessert.
Mr. Edwards is now under investigation for financial irregularities in his campaign fund. I think every politician should be investigated for this, whether or not anything untoward is suspected. I put forth this idea strictly for my own personal entertainment.
Mr. Edwards, it seems, has two very good friends with money. They were the ones paying the hush money to the future Mrs. Edwards; money that came in the form of rent and a BMW automobile. This money was paid to her with the understanding of a quid pro quo which meant keeping a low profile for the length of Mr. Edwards' campaign. Now comes the best part. There is a legal debate in progress. Does the hush money constitute a campaign contribution? I am not kidding here. This is the actual question being debated in a courtroom.
If hush money is accepted as a campaign contribution, maybe we should go to the next logical step. Like paying politicians to shut the hell up. But then they'd just talk more, flapping their lips to extort the public. I'd suggest putting them in an outfit favored by some S&M freaks, the leather hood with the rubber ball gag. But again, this is probably what some of them secretly desire.
